Vending machines that contain your favorite
Rhinoceros beetle.

Since missing fingers are a trait of the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia), you can now get replacement fingers for deluding in-laws. Especially useful in wedding ceremonies.

How about a pair of either-end slippers? No more fumbling about in the morning to get them facing the right way.

Portable lampposts.
You'll never walk down a dark street again.

Tiny dusters for cat's paws.

The Bath Body Suit: A delightful, stress-free way to take a warm, relaxing bath without the hassle of having to dry yourself off.

Walk 'n' Wash Ankle-attachable Laundry Tanks: Now you can wash your clothes while taking your daily walk, a perfect solution for the problems of inadequate exercise and hygiene.

The fish face cover.
Chop up a dead fish without having to look into its lifeless eyes.

A chin-operated light switch.
In the event that your hands are full and you are leaving a room.

"Baby Mops.”
Baby clothing that allows your infant to clean the floor as they crawl around.

Portable armrests.
By attaching these gizmos to your shoulders, you can have that easy-chair feeling while walking about town.

A weight you can strap to your telephone receiver. It lets you exercise as you talk.

A device that allows a cat to step on an actuator for a fan that cools its food (what I want to know is – what the hell are they feeding their cat?)

The tee shirt with a grid printed on the back.
Now you can tell your Backscratcher at which coordinate the itch is.

Pant Hankies

Velcro Home Jogger

The Hay Fever Hat

The butter-stick. Think Chapstick container full of butter.
Makes buttering your toast a piece of cake.

Restroom signs equipped with suction cups that grip tile. The sign, printed in English and Japanese, says "Ladies." Are you a woman facing a long line for the ladies room? Fine. Then go to the men's room, attach your sign, and use it.

The Eat 'n' Exercise: exercise as you eat

The Drymobile (your laundry dries as you drive)

The Solar-Powered Torch

Full body umbrellas and a hydrophobe's bath body suit

The Business Tool Belt (imagine Batman as an accountant)

The Solar Powered Flashlight (dispenses the need for batteries … and common sense)

Swiss Army Gloves allow you to be prepared for whatever comes to hand

"Chindogu are inventions that seem like they're going to make life a lot easier, but don't," writes Kenji Kawakami, the Japanese journalist who invented the pastime.

THE DISCORPORATION CABINET
"Actual U.S. Patent No. 4,666,425 is assigned to The Dis Corporation of St. Louis, MO. The Abstract of the Patent indicates that this invention involves a device, referred to herein as a "cabinet," which provides physical and biochemical support for an animal's head which has been "discorporated" (i.e., severed from its body). This device can be used to supply a discorped head with oxygenated blood and nutrients, by means of tubes connected to arteries which pass through the neck. After circulating through the head, the deoxygenated blood returns to the cabinet by means of cannulae, which are connected to veins that emerge from the neck. A series of processing components removes carbon dioxide and add oxygen to the blood. If desired, waste products and other metabolites may be removed from the blood, and nutrients, therapeutic or experimental drugs, anti-coagulants, and other substances may be added to the blood. The replenished blood is returned to the discorped head via cannulae attached to arteries. The cabinet provides physical support for the head, by means of a collar around the neck, pins attached to one or more vertebrae, or similar mechanical means. If We Can Keep a Severed Head Alive..." Discorporation and U.S. Patent 4,666,425 by Chet Fleming

OR

HOME GROWN UNICORNS
"US Patent No. US4429685. A method of growing unicorns. It is claimed to produce a unicorn of higher intelligence and physical attributes, useful as a guard animal. (You might not want to know, but the method involves surgical alteration of a one-week old goat, so that its two horn buds will grow together."

BREAST ENHANCEMENT WITH A WATER BRA
"US Patent No. US4734078. A brassiere which surrounds the breasts with water, so that a buoyant force provides improved and independent support for each breast. A transparent version is suggested for those who wish to make a fashion statement."

Or from the UK:
URINAL ENTERTAINMENT UNITS
"UK Patent Application No. GB2223164. “A urinal with amusement features. Discourages the inadvertent or intentional diversion of urine outside the proper receptacle.” Pressure or temperature sensors send an electrical signal to a control unit that in turn activates a loudspeaker and video screen to provide audio and visual signals. The user, upon proper direction of the urine stream, may vary the combination of sight and sound, thereby being actively involved in his own amusement."

patent info