Male mattress tester.
10 years experience. Knowledgeable
In all mattress types, from
straw filled to box spring.
For extra charge will also test:
Floors, pool tables, deck chairs, etc.

Female mercenary/exterminator.
Will supply own arsenal;
Guns, chainsaw, hydrochloric acid.
Specialty: Ridding households of
Unwanted mattress testers.

Garage Implanter.
15 years experience implanting garages
for the Federal Government. Looking
for reliable, independent company in
need of experienced professional.
Carport implanting agencies need not inquire.

Trained life guard.
Looking for pool facility in need
of experienced personnel. I can
actually breathe water but have to
be kept moist at all times.
Don't let the fact that I'm a fish discourage you.
Great with children.