Now is the time to assert your own individuality. Take a stand against the establishment. Rip the old status quo a new one. Give Big Brother a poke in the eye with the body part of your choice. Kill your television; Question authority (or vice - versa). Rain burning anguish down upon the baseball - cap - with - a - beer - logo - on - it wearing heads of the Gap - shopping, 90210 watching, Daddy's - credit - card - toting, "Free - Tibet - (isn't that like somewhere in south america?)" - shouting, wouldn't - know - an - original - thought - if - it - bit - em - on - the - inner - thigh bunch of herd - following, gumby - pants - flaunting, I - am - alternative! - screaming sheep!

Here are a few suggestions:
1. Listen to public radio
2. Wear pants that fit
3. Bathe
4. Try to go a day without using the word "like" except in its proper context
5. Read Nietzsche (in private!)
6. Get A Job
7. Don't ask me if you can have a cigarette
8. Get Over It
9. Submit an original prose work (fiction or essay) from 250 - 1000 words long; an original poem that's not so long as to bore our poetry editor or so short as to fit on a Hallmark card; an original black and white drawing on 8 and a half by 11" unlined paper; letters to the editor (your choice of tone and mood; and check your spelling or we'll print it and embarrass you). Do NOT submit any poems with "Daddy," "Love," or "Ode" in the title; severed body parts; novel length works; subpoenas; tripe; angst poetry; or anything you don't want edited to hell and back, read by others, published, or thrown away.

If we decide to publish you, you will recieve the answer to the question "Why Am I Here?"; a lifetime supply of gratitude; notoriety (on the off chance that someone actually reads this thing); the prideof a job well done; and membership in a secret society of people who will never make any money at this but want to have some fun at the expense of others.

ACT NOW offer void where prohibited while supplies last no obligation to buy selected items only for a limited time yours for only and many, many more great hits by the Masters of the Accordian.